Guilty.

Cue, kids' bedroom door opening. Enter Ry to Mom and Dad...eating...this!

  Ry: "Heeeeeeeeeeey, why do YOU guys have yogurt. 

 Uhhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhh...! Andy & I looked at each other like 2 little kids who just got caught in the act. What to do? What to say?

 Me: This is what grownups do when kids go to bed.

Ry: Oh

 Muahahahaha

A Funny Thing Happened...

Today at School Pick-up I was presented with a "must share." The teachers were laughing very hard and were saying how this moment of hilarity would potentially be shared at the next faculty meeting.

Important to note: Frank, Camerina and Kate are all of Ry's teachers. "Zephyr" is a kid that he tends to like to "throw under the bus" so to speak. I love Z's mother, so I am hoping to see this trend end. Funny thing is... they play together at school sometimes, but I think they both refuse to admit to liking one another. Anyway....

The kids were asked to draw a picture of something memorable from their field trip to the San Mateo History Museum. Ry was very interested in the Indian Teepee that was partially covered by twigs and mud.

Then, they asked Ry to dictate to his teacher what is happening in this picture...

There is no recollection from Frank or Kate of this occurrence.

That's all.

Put on your yarmulke...

 

Have a Happy Happy Happy Happy Chanukah...

(This NEVER gets old)

Kids say...

Yesterday, my father, or "Boppa", as Ry has named him, came down to visit for the annual family holiday party. In common grandpa fashion, my dad approached Ry with the giant proverbial *I-haven't-seen-you-in-so-long*, hug. 

Ry's response...

"WOW! That was a really strong hug for an old man."

Sheesh. Happy Holidays.

What A Boy Wants

Hello Blogesphere! This Mom has been incredibly swamped and has clearly skipped over some monumental times in our family's 2011 history. For example, Ryder started Kindergarten this year, then there was the infamous Venus Fly Trap costume for Halloween, and so on and so forth. I believe for the next couple of entries, I will be skipping around a bit...you know, to keep life interesting. Just to stay relevant, and to make me feel like I am on top of things, I'll recap yesterday...

 

Grandma Bevy invited us to the Hyatt Regency for Breakfast with Santa. Sadly, I think it was the first time either of our kids had actually sat on Santa's lap...not sure why, but I have a feeling that Daddy & Mommy's crowd-aversion-illness is to blame. Regardless of their lack of practice, these two little people had no problem climbing into the Jolly Old Man's Lap and rattling off their wishes. 

Santa: Hayden, what would you like for Christmas

Hayden: A Pirate

Santa: And...

Hayden: A crocodile trap

Santa: Um, okay... that might be tough. Anything else?

Hayden: Candy

We had to later explain that a certain unwelcome house guest and one non-approved-by-Peta item would be a tad hard to come by.  He's 2...he may forget he asked anyway...although Candy seems to be a recurring request.

Now, it was Ry's turn.


Mommy: Ry, it's your turn to tell Santa what you want for Christmas.

Ry: (in his best "he should already know" voice) Well, I already circled it all in the catalog.

Santa: Ho Ho Ho! What would you like for Christmas... 


How much time do you have?

Happy Labor Day

Straight from the mouth of our 2.5 year old:

I'm having fun at the beach...capiche?

Hope you are having a great holiday weekend as well!

This is how BOYS do it

{Ready for anything}

This. Is. Normal.

Did you know that this is how boys watch TV? They stand on the sofa, occasionally launch into a trampoline-like seat-drop, ready to do the next karate chop, with one- singlehandedly armed with the remote, ready to ward off the evil that is...a commercial break.

And that Moms & Dads, is how Boys watch TV*.

*please note: the slouched position with hands-in-pants does not come into play until televised sports enters their reality. The only exception to this is the 4th quarter or 9th inning stance (10th, 11th or 12th if watching the SF Giants) when they are perched at the edge of their seat spewing profanities.

Anatomy of a Ride Home From Swim Lessons

 

We were driving along today and I pulled up next to an SUV, like one we are considering buying for our next car. This conversation ensued...

Me: Ry, look to your left, that is one of the SUVs that Daddy wants to get.

Ry: You mean that one over there?

Me: Yes

Ry: with a hint of annoyance Why does Daddy want that car!? I want a minivan!

Me: Why?

Ry: It has a TV.

Me: An SUV can have a TV too.

Ry: But I want a sliding door.

Me: Why?

Ry: I dunno. Kate's has a TV.

Me: When will you watch TV in the car?

Ry: On long trips, or I can use my screen time on the way to school.

Me: If we get a TV it will only be used for long trips. Anyhow, Daddy would never own a minivan.

Ry: Why?

Me: Because it doesn't do what Daddy wants it to do.

Ry: What's that?

Me: Lots of things.

Ry: Well, I want a TV.

Me: We're not getting a minivan.

Ry: I'm hungry what do you have?

Me: I have a car to take us home to the refrigerator...

Ry: No Mom, what small objects do you have?

Me: A cell phone and a wallet. You want to eat that?

Ry: No....get my flip flop or I won't love you anymore.

Me: Ry, number one, I am driving, two, that was very disrespectful, I won't get you anything if you talk to me like that.

Ry: Can you get my flip flop, please?

Victory.

Another Day at Summer Camp...

{Making friends at camp. A GIANT Millipede "feels like a giant toothbrush"}

We are LOVING Summer Camp. It's bug week and there is a lot of creepy crawly fun happening daily. We pick Ry up every day soaking wet from "swimming" in the creek, shoes crusted in dirt from nature hikes, completed bug crafts (did I mention my son doesn't do crafts? He DOES at camp!) and smiling from ear to ear. Since I work for a City and am involved in Parks & Recreation, I am fortunate enough to get the inside scoop daily via texts and photos from our fantastic staff. I hear of him making silly "Scooby Doo" faces, singing the Addam's Family theme in the bathroom, and making his counselors laugh. I have recently learned that he also created a critical mass of kids sliding down the hillside into the creek - sorry about the soiled shorts Moms. He has good ideas. His preschool teacher has told me this.

And then today, there was this...

Verbatim from camp staff:

Alec: Ryder, be careful, don't run down the hill, it's steep!

Ryder: (in full sprint down the hill) I can't stop!

Ryder arrives at the bottom and Alec catches up to him. Ryder looks at Alec and says...

"now THAT'S inertia!" 

That's our Boy.

All I Need...

A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook about her 3 year old daughter's need to try on a zillion outfits to then proceed to change them a billion more times. It reminded me of Ry getting ready for school. Here are his rules:

Mom, please have the grace to accept with serenity the things that I cannot change, Courage to not change the things which should be changed, And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

1. I will only wear black or navy t-shirts
2. Nothing with Jack Skellington on it (I now hate him)
3. I will only wear shorts
4. Flip flops or Crocs, I hate socks.
5. My Chinese Silk Pajama Top from Grandma Bevy is always appropriate as a jacket.
6. I will take as long as I want to do these things, no matter if we have 30 minutes or 2 minutes to do them in.

In addition to getting dressed, more often than not, he would somehow need to take something with him to school. He used to stuff a magnet into his pocket, a junky plastic toy, a puzzle piece, etc. As he has matured, it launched into a book, a transformer or a "Go Go." Said object would likely hit his cubby, only seconds after entering school, thus making the motive unclear at best. No matter what, it would command a tedious visit to the toy bin in the corner of his bedroom and some rifling around for some time, only to find that perfect "thing." There was never a real plan for which item was going to be selected, RIGHT AS WE'RE TRYING TO LEAVE THE HOUSE... as if the act of getting dressed was not enough of an arduous task. I am sure there will come a day when I miss these little quirks, but in the throws of it, you are not always thinking about how interesting or cute something is, just about how the heck you are going to get out of the house. BUT, I think we are at the tail end of this ritual.

Daddy says Ry reminds him of Steve Martin in The Jerk. "All I need"... makes us laugh every time.

This is How We Do It

Many of you have asked from time to time, "Wow...how do you do it?" Well, today is your lucky day. Here is my secret...

So yes. I have a full time job. Yes, I have two kids under 6. NO, I can't cook. Yes, I do it anyway.

First you need a plan.

What more do you need to hear? Oh, that this little box of floofy sourdough breadiness, takes only 5 minutes to make! Genius. Then, make it healthy. I choose Smart Balance as opposed to butter, because it's smart. Duh.

Now, make sure the kids are planted in front of the TV. This is more for the 2 year old so he won't be loose in your home. See how happy they are? Well, one is posing for me and the other is having the life sucked out of him by Scooby Doo. He's happy. Promise.

Now, start cooking. Get the 5 minute Stove Top Stuffing going first. Here's what it looks like in case you are nervous about the directions. Yes...just BOIL the water & butter SMART Balance and let the mix sit in it off of the flame for 5 minutes. Seriously, it works! Just fluff!

Time for greens. Get some fresh broccoli and then ruin it by nuking it. I like Ziploc Steamer Bags (remember these?)

Lastly, Dino Buddies. The box says it all...YUMMY! Done in 3 minutes for 10 dinos.

Plate and serve. Make sure you have a variety of  T-Rex, Pteranodons and Brontochickens on each plate.

And if you haven't stretched yourself too thin, feed the dogs. This is just for one of our pooches. So times 2.

And that folks, is HOW YOU DO IT! Not this...

The Letter of the Day is "M" for MESS!

I will say it right now. I LOVE SESAME STREET. Who doesn't need a Sunny Day, Sweeping the Clouds Away? The show is EDUCATIONAL right? My all time favorite Street Muppet is Cookie Monster. I was elated when Hay Hay began to show the same admiration for the blue, cookie-eating, raspy voiced character. Unfortunately, there's a hitch. Here is what my child has taken away from all of the Sesame-Ed with which he has been tutored... 

This has been going on for a LONG LONG time. I give up. It's hard to ask funny to stop.

Here's the real deal. See if you can tell the difference. My vacuum and I sure can't.

This is What They Call The Muppet Show!

 

Selfishly, we have introduced our 5 year old to the Muppet Show. I say this because WE LOVE US SOME GOOD OLE JIM HENSON FUN! Sadly, Mr. Amazing, Jim Henson, has left us far too early, but his incredibly enjoyable legacy remains. 

This morning, Ryder asked to watch one of the first season episodes that we borrowed from the library...

"I want to watch the one with Peter Ustinov."

Right.

Oh, and then he asked if I could "sew" him a Mummenschanz outfit.

I'll get right on that.

The Missing Piece(s)

The Missing Piece by Shel "oh so awesome" Silverstein. This picture depicts my day pretty well.

Today was off. In soooo many ways, today was off. It started out okay...Ry was READY for school on time, we were NOT going to be late. Then, I accidentally gave our beloved nanny a set of keys to take with her, that included my car key. We were now going to be late.

After that crisis was averted, child safely at school, me gainfully in possession of one Subaru key, I got home, only to find an Amazon.com package on my front porch (Normal daily fare). I thought, YES! It's Ryder's OPERATION game. But, damn, this box felt waaaay too light for the Operation I remember from yesteryear. I mean, I know plastic has evolved and toys have cheapened up, but this felt crazily light.... Because....

Yes. You are seeing it correctly, IT'S FREAKIN EMPTY! 

Impatient and pissed that I had to follow up on one more damaged item from the mail order Gods, I logged onto Amazon and went straight to Customer Service Chat. I was really unclear on how I was going to return NOTHING. Luckily, my overseas chat pal said he would just go ahead and send another! No questions asked! I'd like to think it's because I am a Prime customer, but really they could care less about my $16 shipping-gratis-purchase. Amazon gets giant props for their customer service today. Amazon dot Bomb!

On a smaller note. Ry's boxed Lemonade was missing a straw from the plastic wrap today. When I picked him up from school, he was pretty sad about it. The off day, had legs. More missing pieces.

Yay for tomorrow. I wish Family Ties were on.

Love, Todd

When your child is in the thick of the proverbial terrible twos threes fours you wishfully think about what the future might hold, and how this is just a phase and things will inevitably improve. Sometimes, all that defines a 5 year old tantrum from a  2 year old tantrum, is some intense reasoning and a sprinkle of disrespect. As bath approached, I quickly shuffled Hay Hay to the tub (he is always pumped to bathe) and gave Ryder a post-dinner-test...

Me:  Ry, I am going to the tub, why don't you surprise me by putting your dishes in the kitchen, getting undressed and coming to the bath.

Moments later...thump thump thump, and a giant smile on a naked body emerges through the bathroom door and climbs into the tub...

Me: Wow!

Ry: Mommy I just started being good, right now!

Me: Hey Ry...why can't you ALWAYS be good?

Ry:  Mommy, sometimes, I'm good...sometimes I'm not so good...that is what makes me different.

Love, Todd Ryder

PLUG!

Title, lovingly hijacked from Todd Parr, an awesome Childrens Author/Illustrator who has graced our shelves for years with his thoughtful books, like, The Feelings Book, It's Okay To Be Different, and Underwear Dos and Don'ts.  He always ends his books with "Love, Todd." In the back of one of our books we noticed a photo with him and his dog, "Bully." Andy (see awesome husband & father) contacted him to hopefully contribute some artwork to one of our favorite charities, Rocket Dog Rescue. Todd Parr responded in record time...a whole 2-3 hours...with an emphatic YES! He is truly a gift to not only children, but our four-legged friends. Support this amazing rescue organization by purchasing a t-shirt, mug, apron, etc. etc. at their online store.  Oh, and a side note on the Awesome Andy... he donated his own time, fueled by his love for dogs, and created their online store. #Winning.

Our Monster of Rock!

I have always secretly enjoyed a good Monster Ballad. As we were heading home from our Thanksgiving pilgrimage from El Lay Los Angeles, iPod on shuffle, an old Monster Ballad came on. Andy was completely horrified and unimpressed by my Monsters of Rock enthusiasm. I promptly explained, that although this group was not in the ranks of Poison or Def Leppard, the lead singer of Steelheart has a "metal scream" that can rival the best. As we listened to "Angel Eyes" I explained the intricacies of the musical gift of the hair band high-note. As I air-guitared and raised my fist to really send props to the climax of the song, my littlest punctuated the high-note from the back seat with a perfectly timed, "OH YES!"

Oh yes. Can I get an Amen!

The Literal Son

Me: Ryder, I am just letting you know that when we go to Disneyland, you are going to miss the first day of school.

Ryder: Mommy, I am not going to miss it.

August Ryderisms

Wow. Here we are, at the end of August, and every day my crazy 4 1/2 year old has provided me with something überly blog-worthy, and yet alas... I have failed as a blogger. Too busy, too crazy, too sick, you name it, I have an excuse. I just haven't been able to find the time. Seeing how this serves as a journal for my family, I feel guilty and obliged at the same time to provide some current Freeman Data. Sooo...as I sit here home from work - sick - I have found the time.

Here are some noteworthy moments to pen that you may have already seen on Facebook, or not...

Tom Bush...

I got an IM at work via Google Talk (Andy & my sole means of communication during the day). It went like this:

8:10 AM Andy: Ryder told me that Tom Bush was our President a long time ago, and that he was retarded. He told me Grandma Bevy told him that.

8:11 AM Great....

 me: "retarded?

 

 Andy: Yes, very clearly....retarded.

 me: killing her

8:12 AM Andy: I told him that is a very mean thing to say and that some people are different and they can't help it. At least I clarified and told him that his name was George Bush!  So, of course I call Grandma. Her response? She said she told him that George Bush didn't like brocolli, and that he was RETIRED. Apparently, Ryder formed a new opinion of Tom George. 

YOGA

I am loving that Ryder has adopted my love for Yoga. I have given him his own mat and now he has all he needs to refine his practice. He is definitely an up-and-coming Yogi, creating pose after pose of his own. Here is an example of that...

 Me: Ryder it's time for your bath.
Ry: I need to do some yoga.
Me: no Ryder, now.
Ry: Mommy, I am going to do my poses, now leave me alone.

Me: What is that called?

Ry: Dustmite Protection Pose

 

It's a Pillow, it's a Pet....

Dear TV. You have successfully infiltrated  my son's brain with guerrilla marketing. My son, post Sesame Street -by the blink of an eye- imprisoned and brainwashed by the Pillow Pet Commercial.

Thankfully, our good friends recently put Ryder out of his misery by purchasing him his beloved Bumble Bee Pillow Pet. We received it actually as a gift for Andy's 40th birthday, a gift that would define Andy as the "Best Dad Ever." Andy decided it would be best to sneak it into Ryder's bed late at night. Here is what he said when he awoke:

Ry: "Look at my pillow pet! I wished for it and it came true!"

Me: Can you show me how it attaches?

Ry: You attach the hook and the strap made of high quality chenille fabric.

Thanks, he's a walking infomercial.

More than Meets the Eye...

Mommy: Ryder, what are you doing?

Ryder: I'm a Transformer

Mommy: Can you show your face for a picture?

Ryder: Mommy, Transformers don't smile.

L

"Mommy, which is my left hand again?"

"Ryder, hold both hands up and make an L. The one that faces the correct way, is your left."

"I like my left hand because it starts with the letter L, and so does ladybug....and I like ladybugs."

"Me too, Ryder."

"Mommy, I love you pimples and bits."