Our Monster of Rock!

I have always secretly enjoyed a good Monster Ballad. As we were heading home from our Thanksgiving pilgrimage from El Lay Los Angeles, iPod on shuffle, an old Monster Ballad came on. Andy was completely horrified and unimpressed by my Monsters of Rock enthusiasm. I promptly explained, that although this group was not in the ranks of Poison or Def Leppard, the lead singer of Steelheart has a "metal scream" that can rival the best. As we listened to "Angel Eyes" I explained the intricacies of the musical gift of the hair band high-note. As I air-guitared and raised my fist to really send props to the climax of the song, my littlest punctuated the high-note from the back seat with a perfectly timed, "OH YES!"

Oh yes. Can I get an Amen!

ADDisneyland...

So... not that you all have been waiting with baited breath for the next installment of the Freeman Family Blog, but here is what happened....as I remember it.

In September we went to Disneyland with the boys for the first time. We were excited and ready for three days at the Happiest Place on Earth. As much as I wanted to recount this story in the blogesphere, I have found that sensory overload created writer's block and this entry has kept me from continuing our adventure in blogland. I felt like this trip HAD to be documented, but I just couldn't do it. These kids seriously provide countless content for us to write about, but this really seemed like a daunting task, so as with  most things, I just opted out- it's my new life strategy. I coined a quote a few weeks ago that summarizes this...

This quote was written when I was training for the Malibu Marathon several weeks ago. I realized I just needed to finish the race - not win- so why was I soooo stressed about how fast I was going...or if I walked...BUT...this posed too be too stressful for me at the moment...so I am not going to run it. I feel AWESOME about that! OK- back to D-Land.

Since we are now a month out, all I can give are bullets...that is how I think anyway, so it's a win-win. Let them also serve as advice for future visits.

• Pinocchio was a bad jumping-off point for Disneyland. Nothing can sour an experience like a ridiculously scary ride. Now, we were well aware that Disney was launched in the non-PC time of 1955. Pretty funny that the scariest part of the theme park is the area designed for their littlest patrons. Having visited D-Land for "work" a few years back, I was sure to not venture onto Snow White's Scary Adventures or Toad Hell Mr. Toads Wild Ride. I did not remember Pinocchio though. This ride basically soured Ryder for the remainder of the day. He clearly stated "I DON'T WANT TO GO ON ANY MORE RIDES"...crap... we had 2 and a half days to go.

• It seems that Babies like all rides...you won't know what's scary or not, unless they wear a heart monitor.  Hayden was mellow and stone-faced on almost all of the rides. The only fluctuation I felt from him was after the first "drop" on Pirates of the Caribbean and it was my hands wrapped around his upper body that allowed me to feel his heart jumping out of his chest.

• Ryder talked about the Haunted Mansion & The Tower of Terror the WHOLE TIME. This from the kid who said the Winne the Pooh ride was scary. Oh, he didn't go on it, just mentioned them in every other breath. The Haunted Mansion is also closed in mid-late September while it turns over into "A Nightmare Before Christmas" decor.
  
  
• Follow up any scary "inside-ride" with an outside ride. Autopia, rocked. Those inside rides are DARK!

• Small World three times. Ryder asked if Small World had a "Happy Ending" I said the whole thing is a Happy Ending....because of the Air Conditioning of course.

7

• Don't do this. You will get in trouble (but we got the shot).

• Characters are scary. Ryder DID NOT want to meet anyone but Goofy. He had the most star-power for our son. We finally caught a glimpse of Goofy, and you have to stand in line (yes, a line at Disneyland) to meet these guys. When we got to the front, we were told that it was time for Goofy's smoke break lunch break. So this was as close as we got to a photo. Andy has a great pic of Goofy heading to the "break area." We thought that was the funniest part, since our imaginations of who was in the costume and what he was thinking took over...

 

Watch Fireworks from  the Magic Castle your hotel room. Honestly, this is more for the parents, but after spending $1 million dollars on Disney, this felt like my money's worth....ah...comfort!

 All in all a great trip. A lot of bribing strong encouragement to go on rides (see Pinocchio), but a magical and momentous event in our family's life. Ryder is now asking to go again...and visit the Haunted Mansion. We have an obsession currently with A Nightmare Before Christmas...a hint to what's coming for Halloween. I am thinking about honoring this request around Thanksgiving in an effort to secure myself as a finalist for MOM OF THE YEAR.

OK, I feel so much better now that I got this post out of the way. I can resume...

 

The Literal Son

Me: Ryder, I am just letting you know that when we go to Disneyland, you are going to miss the first day of school.

Ryder: Mommy, I am not going to miss it.

What's Wrong With This Picture

In my effort to try and revive my childhood, I would like to propose a game. Reminiscent of the ole Highlights Hidden Picture game, can you find the obscure object in this photo?

Hint: If you are a parent of a small child, you may not notice this, because your life is as impacted as ours.

Answer:

No, the answer is not the unmade bed.

Yes! That is a child-safety rail on OUR ADULT BED! Since Andy was out of town last weekend- meaning, I lost my anchor on the other side of the bed- and my little one was protesting his crib, I had no choice.

This photo defines last weekend perfectly.

No Love Lost

Today, I had the scare of my life. No, my kids aren't hurt...although I feel like I avoided a situation that could have reached catastrophic heights. Piggy, was missing.

We had just returned from a late morning/lunch escapade of park and taco truck, when I transferred a sleeping 17 month old to bed, only to find - or not find- Piggy. Piggy is Hayden's Lovie. 

Now Lovies come in all forms. Here are some popular bets below. If you have a child, you know the significance of this beloved item and how your parent rating can go from 10 to zero in the blink of an eye if this fuzzy piece of security were to go missing.

I found myself in a frenzy. Since I was not with Hayden when he awoke this morning, because I was not home and out having an affair at Yoga, I had no idea when said item disappeared. My husband had left on a weekend trip and was en route and unreachable (on his motorcycle- so I was worried about him...another blog entry). I called him twice, emailed the friend he was going to meet and texted the nanny. His poor friend must have thought something horrible had happened here...I said I had an emergency...and well, something catastrophic almost did happen!

After an hour of serious searching, texting and dare I say, almost shedding a tear, I had a thought...

"Hayden was playing with the kitchen trash can yesterday."

I opened the trash....and....

Sanity restored.

August Ryderisms

Wow. Here we are, at the end of August, and every day my crazy 4 1/2 year old has provided me with something überly blog-worthy, and yet alas... I have failed as a blogger. Too busy, too crazy, too sick, you name it, I have an excuse. I just haven't been able to find the time. Seeing how this serves as a journal for my family, I feel guilty and obliged at the same time to provide some current Freeman Data. Sooo...as I sit here home from work - sick - I have found the time.

Here are some noteworthy moments to pen that you may have already seen on Facebook, or not...

Tom Bush...

I got an IM at work via Google Talk (Andy & my sole means of communication during the day). It went like this:

8:10 AM Andy: Ryder told me that Tom Bush was our President a long time ago, and that he was retarded. He told me Grandma Bevy told him that.

8:11 AM Great....

 me: "retarded?

 

 Andy: Yes, very clearly....retarded.

 me: killing her

8:12 AM Andy: I told him that is a very mean thing to say and that some people are different and they can't help it. At least I clarified and told him that his name was George Bush!  So, of course I call Grandma. Her response? She said she told him that George Bush didn't like brocolli, and that he was RETIRED. Apparently, Ryder formed a new opinion of Tom George. 

YOGA

I am loving that Ryder has adopted my love for Yoga. I have given him his own mat and now he has all he needs to refine his practice. He is definitely an up-and-coming Yogi, creating pose after pose of his own. Here is an example of that...

 Me: Ryder it's time for your bath.
Ry: I need to do some yoga.
Me: no Ryder, now.
Ry: Mommy, I am going to do my poses, now leave me alone.

Me: What is that called?

Ry: Dustmite Protection Pose

 

It's a Pillow, it's a Pet....

Dear TV. You have successfully infiltrated  my son's brain with guerrilla marketing. My son, post Sesame Street -by the blink of an eye- imprisoned and brainwashed by the Pillow Pet Commercial.

Thankfully, our good friends recently put Ryder out of his misery by purchasing him his beloved Bumble Bee Pillow Pet. We received it actually as a gift for Andy's 40th birthday, a gift that would define Andy as the "Best Dad Ever." Andy decided it would be best to sneak it into Ryder's bed late at night. Here is what he said when he awoke:

Ry: "Look at my pillow pet! I wished for it and it came true!"

Me: Can you show me how it attaches?

Ry: You attach the hook and the strap made of high quality chenille fabric.

Thanks, he's a walking infomercial.

Yip Yip

Once again I am faced with doing what is right vs. doing what is easy. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO SCREEN TIME for children under 2 (or Google it and find articles like this). I find this virtually impossible in my home when my 4 1/2 year old watches TV. How the heck am I supposed to shield the other from the giant glowing window (does that what Hayden thinks it is?) hanging on the wall? AND, even more so,  how am I to make dinner at 5:30pm without knowing that my children are somewhat contained on the sofa? 

Ryder has had a re-appreciation for Sesame Street, which I have to say pleases me to no end. It has to be better than Phineas and Ferb for the baby. At least someone has deemed this show educational. Of course I am now not only freaked out about my zombie 15 month old zoning out on some Big Bird Elmo bonanza, but to add to my neurosis, the show advisory information on my Tivo says for ages 3+. Oye Vey. But again, apparently not worried enough to turn it off…cuz it’s EASY (like saying cuz). Plus, I get to enjoy the oldies but goodies that I had the benefit of being entertained by when I was little. Glad to see the Alien Family is still Yip Yipping their way through Sesame Street. “Brrring! Yip Yip Phone.”

And by the way, how come everyone can see Snuffleupagus now? I liked it better when big bird was deemed slightly crazy. And yes, I did wiki the spelling of Snuffy’s given name…I was way off.

Can you see him? I can. Crazy? I think not.

More than Meets the Eye...

Mommy: Ryder, what are you doing?

Ryder: I'm a Transformer

Mommy: Can you show your face for a picture?

Ryder: Mommy, Transformers don't smile.

L

"Mommy, which is my left hand again?"

"Ryder, hold both hands up and make an L. The one that faces the correct way, is your left."

"I like my left hand because it starts with the letter L, and so does ladybug....and I like ladybugs."

"Me too, Ryder."

"Mommy, I love you pimples and bits."

The Juice is Loose!

Dear Mom,

Today was the best! I got to have my first - and very own - JUICE BOX! Thank you for being so inept at packing food and drink for me when we go out. It is because of this that you were able to break your own "no-juice for babies" rule and I was able to sample this fine delicacy. I guess you assumed because I can suck the sauce from these that I would be able to drink from a straw. Yes, you were right!

By the way....I love these Mommy. How do these differ from juice? What's that you say? Oh, there are vegetables in there?....Right.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

In my past life, I was a gymnast. I was also a diver all through high school and college. I reached All America status 4 years running... okay, enough justification. Just because you USED to do something, doesn't mean you can or SHOULD still do it. 

Occasionally, after a few beers in college, I would do the honorary back flip or handspring during sloshball on a grassy field. Sometimes, I would stick it, other times....hyper-extended elbows, pulled muscles, face plants.... you get the picture. I can still rock a few flips and maybe a twist on the trampoline, but, I haven't tried that since pre pregnancy...the first time. I am sure I would pee my pants. Saturday was no different- except for the fact that my degree of difficulty has decreased.

I had recently decided that I would knock an item off of my bucket list and run a marathon. After coming back from my inaugural run and very pleased that I finished my first one without stopping, I began to stretch. It all sounds right so far... Ryder was stretching with me and occasionally trying out a few rolls and handstands. I thought, "Well, a cartwheel should be easy enough for him to learn..." so I did one. Wow, still got it! Felt fine. Next step... walkover, right? Mommy needs to show off. I launched right into a simple front walkover, and as my back arched to the ground and my first foot hit the lawn, I knew I had made a HUGE mistake...YEOOOOW! Instant pain. STUPID! Then I prepared my Darwin Award Speech thought..."maybe I'm just not stretched enough".... like doing another one would cancel out the first. So I did it again a few minutes later. DOUBLE YEOOW!

Perfect 10...on the stupid meter.

There goes the onset of my marathon training....gigantic pulled muscle in my lower back. I think it's permanent.

I am awesome.

It's a Book.....Hoooowse

 

Owen, Ian aka Phineas (Ryder): Mommy! Check out my Book House!

Lea (aka Mommy...name changes are still in effect): That's Awesome! Where did you get that idea?

Owen (Ryder): From my brain. My brain gives me all of my ideas.

And let that be a reminder to all of you about where YOUR ideas should come from.

Ziploc, Please Say I Can Love You!

I have a tendency to surf the web until I find the answer that I want to hear, not the answer that may be the best suited for my question. This has been true for me historically since I became pregnant with my first child. When my medical group told me to visit all of the doctors in the practice - as one of seven could be delivering my baby - I decided I would ask the same questions to each one. "Can I eat deli meat, brie, sushi...." Please someone say yes! Many of them did...some didn't. But I went with the answers I liked. I chose wisely...

So here I am laboring over Ziploc Steamer Bags. I know my epicurean friends are cringing right now, but shamelessly, I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM...but I HATE HATE HATE that they are plastic. I am freaked out about the idea of cooking in these, but apparently not freaked out enough to stop. When I get home from work and want to cook something that is not bright orange, in shapes like Sponge Bob, or not pizza, I resort to these steamer bags. I can cook chicken breasts, fish, veggies, in minutes...no splatter from my grill pan, no dishes, no mess! It's too easy. My kids get a healthy meal of protein and veggies served with a side of guilt over cooking them in plastic.

Today I found the answer I wanted.... thank you Good Housekeeping for this study. I will cook with guilt a bit longer until I find another vehicle to shove in the microwave that is just as easy.

Fit to be Tied

JACKPOT! I think I hit the motherlode for neck ties for Alex P. Keaton Ryder!  Now, the Children's Place (our pre-tied tie go-to) offers great ties for kids, but is lacking selection. Ryder has recently secured a new job as a Ring Bearer, and wants to make a lasting impression. He has been begging for a bow tie. Thank you Etsy, and thank you Me and Matilda for what I believe to be my solution to all of the cheesy satin internet wedding options! Now, to pick the perfect one!

Melting

*Warning* This is another mushy post. I have gone soft (or boneless like Trixie in Knuffle Bunny). Wow another Mo Willems reference...I should contact him about getting a kick-back!

This morning as I was getting myself off to work, I knelt down to give Ryder my daily "goodbye, this sucks, I am going to work" hug. We sat there embraced....

Me: Ryder, I love you so much, how will I ever let go and go to work today? What if we just stayed like this forever?

Ryder: Mommy, I just can't stop loving you.

*melt*

An Open Letter to My 1 Year Old

Dearest Hayden,

I have been lamenting for a while (note no post for weeks) over writing you the "right" birthday letter. I constantly read beautifully written blogs that embellish and over-emote their child's 1st year accolades. How could mine ever measure up? This is YOUR mother though, not always organized, many things unsaved, relatively last-minute, with an abundance of memories stuffed in her brain. What I also have come to realize already know, is that I am not great at tracking your achievements and for that, I am so sorry. I don't have a baby book for you and I don't have every moment of your life categorized in chapter after chapter of "firsts." BUT, I do however, have this blog. My sole reason for starting this was to find a place to put my memories in case I ever got hit over the head resulting in permanent amnesia (yes, I think about that happening...because I am a Mom...and sometimes crazy).

You have grown so quickly and have eclipsed your brother's first year in a blink of an eye. It's all a blur to me. Where did the time go? As I sit here choking back the tears and typing you this letter, I will do my best to account for what has been a most joyous and memorable year, with an unimaginably content, loving, pleasant and beautiful soul called Hayden Clay Freeman (or as Ryder has lately been referring to you... "Ruby"...nickname, "Ferb").

You were born on your Great Grandma Rena's 102nd birthday, April 1st. You started alerting me at about 5am and I wasn't sure you were serious, but called the doctor anyway. He said I'd better come in. Good thing, because my water broke in the wheelchair on the way into the hospital. Another interesting fact is that on that same morning, GG Rena was featured on Willard Scott's "Centurian" segment on the Today Show.  To add to the coincidence, you were born at 8:30am, the same time that segment aired. Strange? Yes. Only 5% of babies are born on their due date - I'd say from that moment on, we knew you were extremely special.

You have been very eager to get going and grow-up. You pretty much followed the "What to Expect the First Year" growth plan...although this second time around I was not with it. With the first baby you are always a chapter ahead. In your case, I would say I was two chapters behind. This resulted in common questions at different milestones like..."What should you be eating? Is it time for solids? When do we start rice cereal? What kind of train is a sleep train? Seriously, I want to thank you for making this easy for me. When you were tired, I put you to bed. When you grew out of your co-sleeper I just put you in your crib - no questions asked. The bigger issue was how we were going to transition you into sharing a room with Ryder. Thank you for making that work. Phew!

You were alert from the get-go and quite an observant little guy. You started crawling around Christmas, but that was only after you had been pulling up on all of the furniture and cruising around. Frankly, we never thought you would crawl. Thankfully, you did. A good friend of mine told me about a study that was done that said kids who didn't crawl first couldn't learn to read (actually, it said they read later, but my neurotic Mommy gene changed the study to "never"). You turned one April 1st and took your maiden journey of over 2 steps across your bedroom last Wednesday, April 7 (note the documentation..finally).


You are blabbering on-and-on and we LOVE it. Your favorite exclamation is "Doooohhh" with a gravelly inflection. "Doh" for short I am thinking is "dog" and you have mastered "Mama" "Dada." When you play, you say what I think is "Boo" a lot. I guess we are not very nice to you since we seem to always be scaring you. I know you are my son, because the only food word to date is CHEESE, although it comes out more like a sound effect..."chssssssss"...but worry not, I speak cheese in all languages. 


Speaking of food, I find we are less careful this time around. We have thrown you whole sized items that you happily whittle away at with beaver-like grace. You have 8 teeth now, 4 on top, 4 on the bottom, and are quite skilled at biting....hopefully, you will not adopt your brother's habit (we won't discuss that here).

We celebrated your first birthday a few days early at the cabin with Daddy, Ryder, Boppa, Grandmere, GG Ida, Bob and the dogs. I made you my first layer cake, EVER. Of course it was Funfetti, because I LOVE IT...you will too...and did. You mashed your slice with your hand until it was unrecognizable prior to your first taste. Once the first fleck of frosting hit your lips, that cake knew it had met it's match...and like that...it was gone. I proceeded to make another cake for our second family celebration on Easter. I hadn't realized your birthday would share another holiday so closely.  We had a nice second celebration and yet another Funfetti Cake, which your brother helped bake. Of course, it is now YOUR favorite *wink*.

You have been such a wonderful addition to our family and I have never felt more fortunate in my whole life than I do today with you and Ryder in my world. You have been such an easy going little guy. You are so full of happiness and cuddles that you bring a smile to every face that catches a glimpse of yours. I never knew that motherhood could bring so much joy and satisfaction to my life, and I thank you for going easy on me. I hope this is a glimpse of our future together, although I know we will have many moments where I will probably need to come back to this blog entry and read it to remind myself of how great you are. I promise to do my very best- and please understand that I already know that we may not share the same expectation level on this one.  

Right now, as I eat my lunch...away from home...away from you, all I can do is think about how much I want to hug you and smell you right now, how I want to hear you giggle and feel you put your head on my shoulder and say "hahh" which I have decided is "hug," and how I want to give you coffee a magic pill which keeps you this size for just a little bit longer. Every day that goes by brings so much joy, but a little bit if sadness shares a corner of my heart as I watch you grow from being an infant to a toddler, and so on. I know we will not be like this forever. I will savor every moment.


With all of the love in my heart.


Mommy (Daddy feels the same way)

Make a Wish.

 

On a dog walk with Daddy & Otis yesterday, Ryder picked a dandelion and blew on it...

Ryder: I wish for a Goofy Costume. He then picked another dandelion and approached Daddy

Ryder: Daddy, here you go, YOU wish for a Mickey Mouse Costume. Hmmm...I suspect Daddy's wish was really Ryder's second wish. He then picked another and held it to Otis' face...

Ryder:  Otis, you wish for a Pluto costume.

Daddy: Ryder, I think Otis already has a Pluto Costume.

End Scene.

Baby Snake

Today Andy found a baby gopher Western Yellowbelly Racersnake in our backyard (just diagnosed the breed...phew). As much as I am not a fan of bringing wildlife into our home, I was happy that my fears did not dictate the outcome of this experience for Ryder.

Happy Sunday.

Joke courtesy of Hailey Ritchey

High Five 

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Down Low

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Cut the Pickle

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Tickle Tickle

YouTube, My Savior.

When times are tough, parents lean on technology. GUILTY. My newest bail-out is my Droid. I have the You Tube app, and it is turning into my favorite one. One day I searched Dr. Seuss and found that almost every book has some Scholastic book/movie/cartoon/video thing. When I am in a jam...it's Green Eggs and Ham. 

This morning, Ryder was watching the ZAKS. When it ended I came over, only to realize he was now watching Fox in Socks. What? How did he get there? Oh, a finger swipe on YouTube and a tap to select. Yes, he can control it now. I felt amazed by this.

Thank you Dr. Seuss. We acknowledge you daily. We have about 15 of your books and Ryder has many of them memorized.

Mommy? What's the word....

This past November, Andy and I returned from a night out with the kids. As we were settling in, I heard something muttered from over by the ottomans that was fairly, unsettling.... "Fuckin Kids!"

What what what? It was perfectly impersonated. A comment made from under his breath...not from my husband, but from my 4 year old! It sounded like Andy, in full frustration mode, leaving a room filled with preschool angst. Ryder captured it accurately, in an Oscar worthy performance, so organic and pure to its sound.

Now, from what we have learned as "good parents" (ignore the FK statement, right?) we know not to make a big deal about words. This only encourages the performance. In an effort to diagnose, and okay, I admit, selfishly, maybe, hear that phrase again, I inquired.

Me: Ryder, I am sorry, what did you say? Did you ask me something? I just didn't hear you...

Ryder: *Silence*

Me: Ryder? It's okay, what did you say?

Ryder: silently fucking *dramatic pause* kids? Yes, even he was questioning it's validity.

So, we realize that the pause meant he KNEW he had said something taboo. I appreciate that. I also understand, we as parents slip-up.  Don't worry, we are paying for it. It has not been forgotten. Now Ryder's new game is LET'S GET MOMMY TO SAY THE F-WORD. As we approached Thanksgiving (you'll see why this is important to note), this conversation erupted:

Ryder days later: Mommy? what's the word that rhymes with duckin?

Mommy: OOOOOH, you must be referring to a Turduckin! Yes, Ryder, it's when you stuff a chicken into a duck, into a turkey! Crazy right? Lame cover-up, I know.

Ryder: not the right answer in his mind No Mommy, what's the BAD word that rhymes with duckin?

So basically, I get this question every other week it seems. Sometimes he goes as far as saying things out-of-the-blue like "Mommy, my teacher says the word that rhymes with Duckin all the time." *sigh* Don't judge.

Duck You.

Insult.

 

Ryder has recently gotten heavily into teasing-by-chanting.... you know, repeating yourself over and over. Here was his offense last night...

Ryder: You are a lawyer, you are a lawyer, you are a lawyer!

Me: Do you know what a Lawyer is?

Ryder: No

Case dismissed.

My New Name Is...

JACOB.

This is what Ryder has chosen for his new moniker. He also changed Hayden's name, mine and Daddy's. Ryder has really streamlined our family. When you see any of us from now on...it's Jacob. Makes it easy. (no, we don't let him watch LOST. He's 4. I am not that crappy of a parent.)

When I was in Kindergarten, I hated my name and changed it to Kathy. I wrote it on all of my artwork. I used to draw "Spider's on Roller Skates"...or at least Kathy did.  She still hangs out with me from time to time. She ate some Girl Scout cookies with me last night. I had none.

This is how I gauge that  Ryder's behavior is normal, because I am normal.

IN MY DREAMS!

I made this. I might be able to bust out some lego pieces...if I do, I'll tell you. Check out these awesome cakes on Ohdeedoh.

Oprah told me to live my best life...but

 

So, the person I want to be, would be heading to the craft store to make this awesome project- courtesy of Just a Night Owl blog. I WILL do it...after I clean my desk...which has piles of things dating back to last year.

 

I guess I will have to be satisfied with this creative decor - our bed post tie rack. Of course I can't take credit for this one either...obviously, it is designed by Ryder.