Tim Burton Ate My Son...and then SPIT HIM OUT.

We feel so used.

So,  there is this popular book out right now for Moms of Girls. I mean, I think it is geared toward girls since it's called Cinderella Ate My Daughter, but I have seen my sons don a dress from time to time. The book discusses the firestorm of the Princess-Obsessed Culture many Moms of Girls are experiencing today. Circle back to last summer's Disneyland trip - I believe the Happiest Place on Earth is also the place where many little girls are converted to Princesses and Fairies. My son was enamored by Jack Skellington of the Nightmare before Christmas Fame. We, as parents of boys, were not immune from immersing ourselves in an obsession.

Halloween kicked-off our Jack fascination as Ryder transformed himself (well with my help) into Jack. Now, one thing I HAVE to mention is that before he could qualify himself as Jack, I felt he was to understand what part he was playing. This clearly a repercussion of my Thespian days, and of course the imparted skill of "Method Acting." Without doing any research, I let him watch the film...and left the room (I guess that's a no-no.).  I need to tell all of you that THIS MOVIE IS NOT MEANT FOR 5 YEARS OLDS! You probably already knew that...but I of course, did not. I have heard from other parents since then, that they would NEVER let their kids watch this movie. I will say that my son actually enjoyed the DVD extras even more than the film. He watched a 2 hour "How it was made" and the "Tour of the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland" several times by choice, beyond the film itself.


Thankfully, my son did not spook - even though they try to kidnap Santa Claus and say they want to "chop him into bits." Yup, they say that. I will tag this post with "Awesome Mom."  I am sure you are seeing a trend by now...and I have enough posts regarding my awesome mothering, that we now have a "series."

Back to Halloween...I had to buy an adult size costume and break out my 2 year-old-brand-new sewing machine to make it happen! I cut a men's size 42 jacket down to a 4T. My handy-work below...

CD Label

As his birthday approached and the theme was a no-brainer, we made sure to encourage his love for Tim Burton's Nightamare, by purchasing everything we could possibly find that was Jack (see above for just SOME of it)...including the Soundtrack on iTunes. Since we have historically given mix CDs as party favors, I felt that this was going to be perfect.  I downloaded the album, and guess what? After listening to a bit of Marilyn Manson and choruses that included lyrics like "Kidnap the Sandy Claws, beat him with a stick, lock him up for ninety years, see what makes him tick," ONLY 2 SONGS WERE SUITABLE FOR OUR MIX CD. At this point, I was starting to wonder if we would get a lot of "No" RSVPs due to the theme. My son would not budge...this was it.

The party was held at a Bounce House Party Place - basically that was the criteria. He wanted a Jack Skellington party at Bounce-U. That is what he got. From Jack cupcakes at school, made by yours truly, to Jack clothes, a Jack Cake, Jack invites & favors, and a Jack pinata - lovingly made by his Nanny/BFF, Ana, I think it was awesome. We won't talk about how he vomited that morning before the party...another story in itself.

 

What did we learn? Well, honestly, my husband and I were thrilled in so many ways that our son found a love for Tim Burton. The man has created so many incredible, whimsical and creative- despite dark- accomplishments. Who are we to squelch our sons innate interest for the macabre animated arts. We have opted as parents to do damage control, rather than to censor his creativity. Ryder is no worse for wear from this experience and continues to be his amazingly creative and cerebral self, who is now 5 years old and on to the next big thing. Tim Burton has temporarily been replaced by Captain Underpants (not appropriate, but found in an older cousin's room - again...damage control) and a daily barage of joke telling. He really wants nothing to do with most of the Jack things we bought him at this point - which is a bummer on a financial front, but normal in the timeline of childhood obsession. I am surprised by him every day and will close off this birthday recap with something his teacher said at our parent / teacher conference that will stay with me always:

"I am so glad that I get to be a part of Ryder's life, because he is going to do something great someday. I can say I played a part in that." Makes me cry every time. I believe her.

I'm almost Tattwoo!

 

I am going to be two next Friday, on April 1, NO JOKE. Mommy got me some sweet Tattoos, because I am almost Tattwoo (note the Mum & Dad Tat on my belly!). To answer you other Mommies out there, no, I am not already potty trained. Yes, I will kill you Mommy when I am older for posting this picture of me on the Interwebs, but I am sure you have a good reason.

The Missing Piece(s)

The Missing Piece by Shel "oh so awesome" Silverstein. This picture depicts my day pretty well.

Today was off. In soooo many ways, today was off. It started out okay...Ry was READY for school on time, we were NOT going to be late. Then, I accidentally gave our beloved nanny a set of keys to take with her, that included my car key. We were now going to be late.

After that crisis was averted, child safely at school, me gainfully in possession of one Subaru key, I got home, only to find an Amazon.com package on my front porch (Normal daily fare). I thought, YES! It's Ryder's OPERATION game. But, damn, this box felt waaaay too light for the Operation I remember from yesteryear. I mean, I know plastic has evolved and toys have cheapened up, but this felt crazily light.... Because....

Yes. You are seeing it correctly, IT'S FREAKIN EMPTY! 

Impatient and pissed that I had to follow up on one more damaged item from the mail order Gods, I logged onto Amazon and went straight to Customer Service Chat. I was really unclear on how I was going to return NOTHING. Luckily, my overseas chat pal said he would just go ahead and send another! No questions asked! I'd like to think it's because I am a Prime customer, but really they could care less about my $16 shipping-gratis-purchase. Amazon gets giant props for their customer service today. Amazon dot Bomb!

On a smaller note. Ry's boxed Lemonade was missing a straw from the plastic wrap today. When I picked him up from school, he was pretty sad about it. The off day, had legs. More missing pieces.

Yay for tomorrow. I wish Family Ties were on.

This Message Was Brought To You By the ABC Television Network

So, my one innate ability growing up - or Superpower - as I once called it, was my ability to memorize almost ANYTHING by sight or sound. As I got older, there was clearly kryptonite in my high school, as I seemed to have lost my special power. Like athletes have muscle memory, I have been fortunate enough to retain a small chunk of my ability in the form of remembering the words to possibly every commercial or sitcom theme from the 70s and 80s. Some of the major standouts were the ABC snippits in between Saturday morning cartoons, like Schoolhouse Rock, the Bod Squad and Time-for-Timer, "Look a wagon wheel!"

Recently, a friend of mine posted one on Facebook, and a light bulb went off in my head. "Holy Cow, I can watch my kids can benefit from the aweseomeness that was Saturday morning "educational" TV via You Tube!

My almost 2 year old obsesses over YUCK MOUTH, while my 5 year old loves Time-for-Timer's songs of "Hanker for a Hunk-of-Cheese" and "You are what you eat, from your head down to your feet.."

and I get to sing-a-long. Magic. I'm going to watch Family Ties now.

Love, Todd

When your child is in the thick of the proverbial terrible twos threes fours you wishfully think about what the future might hold, and how this is just a phase and things will inevitably improve. Sometimes, all that defines a 5 year old tantrum from a  2 year old tantrum, is some intense reasoning and a sprinkle of disrespect. As bath approached, I quickly shuffled Hay Hay to the tub (he is always pumped to bathe) and gave Ryder a post-dinner-test...

Me:  Ry, I am going to the tub, why don't you surprise me by putting your dishes in the kitchen, getting undressed and coming to the bath.

Moments later...thump thump thump, and a giant smile on a naked body emerges through the bathroom door and climbs into the tub...

Me: Wow!

Ry: Mommy I just started being good, right now!

Me: Hey Ry...why can't you ALWAYS be good?

Ry:  Mommy, sometimes, I'm good...sometimes I'm not so good...that is what makes me different.

Love, Todd Ryder

PLUG!

Title, lovingly hijacked from Todd Parr, an awesome Childrens Author/Illustrator who has graced our shelves for years with his thoughtful books, like, The Feelings Book, It's Okay To Be Different, and Underwear Dos and Don'ts.  He always ends his books with "Love, Todd." In the back of one of our books we noticed a photo with him and his dog, "Bully." Andy (see awesome husband & father) contacted him to hopefully contribute some artwork to one of our favorite charities, Rocket Dog Rescue. Todd Parr responded in record time...a whole 2-3 hours...with an emphatic YES! He is truly a gift to not only children, but our four-legged friends. Support this amazing rescue organization by purchasing a t-shirt, mug, apron, etc. etc. at their online store.  Oh, and a side note on the Awesome Andy... he donated his own time, fueled by his love for dogs, and created their online store. #Winning.

I FEEL LIKE THIS...

Okay. After I lose this crazy holiday face, I will return to the blogesphere. Our family blog has seemed to turn into more of a phase than a family bible. More to come! In the meantime... our newest obsession is...TOSH.0 on Comedy Central.

Tosh.0	Tuesdays 10pm / 9c
Angry Birds
www.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

Our Monster of Rock!

I have always secretly enjoyed a good Monster Ballad. As we were heading home from our Thanksgiving pilgrimage from El Lay Los Angeles, iPod on shuffle, an old Monster Ballad came on. Andy was completely horrified and unimpressed by my Monsters of Rock enthusiasm. I promptly explained, that although this group was not in the ranks of Poison or Def Leppard, the lead singer of Steelheart has a "metal scream" that can rival the best. As we listened to "Angel Eyes" I explained the intricacies of the musical gift of the hair band high-note. As I air-guitared and raised my fist to really send props to the climax of the song, my littlest punctuated the high-note from the back seat with a perfectly timed, "OH YES!"

Oh yes. Can I get an Amen!

ADDisneyland...

So... not that you all have been waiting with baited breath for the next installment of the Freeman Family Blog, but here is what happened....as I remember it.

In September we went to Disneyland with the boys for the first time. We were excited and ready for three days at the Happiest Place on Earth. As much as I wanted to recount this story in the blogesphere, I have found that sensory overload created writer's block and this entry has kept me from continuing our adventure in blogland. I felt like this trip HAD to be documented, but I just couldn't do it. These kids seriously provide countless content for us to write about, but this really seemed like a daunting task, so as with  most things, I just opted out- it's my new life strategy. I coined a quote a few weeks ago that summarizes this...

This quote was written when I was training for the Malibu Marathon several weeks ago. I realized I just needed to finish the race - not win- so why was I soooo stressed about how fast I was going...or if I walked...BUT...this posed to be too stressful for me at the moment...so I am not going to run it. I feel AWESOME about that! OK- back to D-Land.

Since it has now been a month, all I can give are bullets...that is how I think anyway, so it's a win-win. Let them also serve as advice for future visits.

• Pinocchio was a bad jumping-off point for Disneyland. Nothing can sour an experience like a ridiculously scary ride. Now, we were well aware that Disney was launched in the non-PC time of 1955. Pretty funny that the scariest part of the theme park is the area designed for their littlest patrons. Having visited D-Land for "work" a few years back, I was sure to not venture onto Snow White's Scary Adventures or Toad Hell Mr. Toads Wild Ride. I did not remember Pinocchio though. This ride basically soured Ryder for the remainder of the day. He clearly stated "I DON'T WANT TO GO ON ANY MORE RIDES"...crap... we had 2 and a half days to go.

• It seems that Babies like all rides...you won't know what's scary or not, unless they wear a heart monitor.  Hayden was mellow and stone-faced on almost all of the rides. The only fluctuation I felt from him was after the first "drop" on Pirates of the Caribbean and it was my hands wrapped around his upper body that allowed me to feel his heart jumping out of his chest.

• Ryder talked about the Haunted Mansion & The Tower of Terror the WHOLE TIME. This from the kid who said the Winne the Pooh ride was scary. Oh, he didn't go on it, just mentioned them in every other breath. The Haunted Mansion is also closed in mid-late September while it turns over into "A Nightmare Before Christmas" decor.
  
  
• Follow up any scary "inside-ride" with an outside ride. Autopia, rocked. Those inside rides are DARK!

• Small World three times. Ryder asked if Small World had a "Happy Ending" I said the whole thing is a Happy Ending....because of the Air Conditioning, of course.

7

• Don't do this. You will get in trouble (but we got the shot).

• Characters are scary. Ryder DID NOT want to meet anyone but Goofy. He had the most star-power for our son. We finally caught a glimpse of Goofy, and you have to stand in line (yes, a line at Disneyland) to meet these guys. When we got to the front, we were told that it was time for Goofy's smoke break lunch break. So this was as close as we got to a photo. Andy has a great pic of Goofy heading to the "break area." We thought that was the funniest part, since our imaginations of who was in the costume and what he was thinking took over...

 

Watch Fireworks from  the Magic Castle your hotel room. Honestly, this is more for the parents, but after spending $1 million dollars on Disney, this felt like my money's worth....ah...comfort!

 All in all a great trip. A lot of bribing strong encouragement to go on rides (see Pinocchio), but a magical and momentous event in our family's life. Ryder is now asking to go again...and visit the Haunted Mansion. We have an obsession currently with A Nightmare Before Christmas...a hint to what's coming for Halloween. I am thinking about honoring this request around Thanksgiving in an effort to secure myself as a finalist for MOM OF THE YEAR.

OK, I feel so much better now that I got this post out of the way. I can resume...

 

The Literal Son

Me: Ryder, I am just letting you know that when we go to Disneyland, you are going to miss the first day of school.

Ryder: Mommy, I am not going to miss it.

What's Wrong With This Picture

In my effort to try and revive my childhood, I would like to propose a game. Reminiscent of the ole Highlights Hidden Picture game, can you find the obscure object in this photo?

Hint: If you are a parent of a small child, you may not notice this, because your life is as impacted as ours.

Answer:

No, the answer is not the unmade bed.

Yes! That is a child-safety rail on OUR ADULT BED! Since Andy was out of town last weekend- meaning, I lost my anchor on the other side of the bed- and my little one was protesting his crib, I had no choice.

This photo defines last weekend perfectly.